never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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