You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
