If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
