I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
