I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
