broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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