Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize