I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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