around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
