you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
