You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's blow job season.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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