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we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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