Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
