I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You were trust falling into bushes
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