Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
