Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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