Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
