Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
