If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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