I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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