its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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