Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
