He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
