Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
