Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
