I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
