After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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