Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
