remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
