I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
