so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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