You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
