4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
