last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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