the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
