what day is it and did you see me today?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
