Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
