Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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