defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
