This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
