Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
