He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize