he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
