Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
