Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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