Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
