I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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