He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
