Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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