All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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