They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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