dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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