I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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