We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
