I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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