to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
