Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
