I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
