doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
