She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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