Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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