I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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