Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cockslap morals
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize