just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
