Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
