I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
