All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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