So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I FOUND THE LEGS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
