Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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