Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
