Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
