i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
