I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have tasted many bathrooms
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
