never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
