yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
