Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
