"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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