I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
