If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
