sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize