guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
