You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
