perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
